If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
