How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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