Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
