Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
