Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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