Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
These tits shall not be calmed
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
