let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Randomize