if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
