and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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