i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
