My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
