if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
