In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
