Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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