The maid of honor just puked.
one might say we're banned from that church
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
