Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
home. puking in laundry basket.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
