well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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