Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
