she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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