I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
