you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize