i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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