I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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