So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
