Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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