summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I need water and some morals
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
