The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
