maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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