Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
