So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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