Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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