i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize