My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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