I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
