Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
