Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
