your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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