Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
