I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
