my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
