I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
