the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
