It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
only if we run a train.
done.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
