Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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