I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
