my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
