Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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