i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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