While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize