True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
