there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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