Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
