I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
