TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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