he told me I talked like a deaf person
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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