a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
