we have officially lost it.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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