So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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