i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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