There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
