Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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