i already hear my dad disowning me
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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