just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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