Your tits are I can't wait for
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
