it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
