I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
