Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize