In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
