i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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